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单身中国老年人如何寻找伴侣?欢迎参加相亲节目
Lonely, Single and Over 50? China Has a Game Show for That.

来源:纽约时报    2022-12-26 04:05



        The introductory music was thumping, the male dating show contestant had walked onstage, and now came the interview portion, where female guests asked questions. One of the women launched right in.
        喧闹的开场音乐之后,男性相亲节目嘉宾走上舞台,接下来是采访环节,女嘉宾提问。其中一位女嘉宾直接开始了。
        “Hello, sir,” said the 59-year-old woman, Yu Xia, scrutinizing the prospect intently through her rectangular glasses. “Is your child a son or a daughter? You said your wife died three years ago — have you come out from that shadow? And your health, it’s pretty good, right?”
        “您好,先生,”59岁的于霞(音)说,她透过她的方框眼镜专注地审视着眼前的人。“您的孩子是儿子还是女儿?您说您夫人三年前去世了——您已经走出阴影了吗?您的健康状况还好吧?”
        Welcome to one of China’s hottest new genres of television: dating shows for older people.
        欢迎来到中国最热门的新电视类型之一:老年人相亲节目。
        In some ways, the programs — at least 10 of which have emerged in recent years, featuring contestants mostly in their 50s and above — are little different from the fare offered for younger contestants. Hopefuls discuss hobbies, strut for the camera and size up each other’s appearances.
        在某些方面,这些节目——近年来出现了至少10个,参加者大多在50多岁以上——与为年轻人提供的节目没有什么不同。满怀希望的嘉宾讨论爱好,在镜头前大摇大摆地走来走去,互相打量对方的外表。
        But in between the lighthearted flirtations, the programs also tackle some of the heavier realities of China’s rapidly aging population, one-third of which is expected to be 60 or older by 2050. All guests are asked about their health and pensions. Often, participants are startlingly blunt about what drove them to the stage — a widower recalls tender memories of his deceased wife, a divorced woman describes a loneliness so deep that she started talking to her television.
        但在轻松的调情之间,这些节目也涉及中国人口迅速老龄化的一些沉重现实。预计到2050年,中国三分之一的人口将达到60岁或以上。所有的嘉宾都被问及他们的健康和养老金状况。通常,嘉宾会毫不掩饰地坦陈来参加节目的原因——一位鳏夫回忆起对已故妻子的温柔回忆,一位离异女子描述了自己深深的孤独,以至于她开始对着电视说话。
        In response to Ms. Yu’s rapid-fire questions, the male guest, Li Guobin, 57, nodded. “Time has passed; I think I’ve emerged. But the love hasn’t been forgotten.”
        57岁的男嘉宾李国斌(音)在回答于霞连珠炮式的提问时点了点头。“时间过去;我想我已经慢慢走出来了。但爱没有被忘记。”
        “It can’t be forgotten,” Ms. Yu, also widowed, replied. “So what you need is another partner to take care of you, right?”
        “不能忘记,”同样丧偶的于霞回答说。“所以你想找个伴来照顾你,对不对?”
        Most of all, the shows are helping to encourage more conversations about the social, romantic and sexual needs of older people. In China, as in many parts of the world, ageism has long made those topics taboo; in Chinese society in particular, many older people are expected to put the needs of younger generations first. Children often worry that a parent’s decision to buck tradition and seek companionship later in life could harm their own social standing or prospects at work.
        最重要的是,这些节目有助于鼓励更多关于老年人社交、浪漫和性需求的对话。在中国,就像世界上许多地方一样,年龄歧视长期以来使这些话题成为禁忌;尤其是在中国社会,对许多老年人的期待是要把年轻一代的需求放在第一位。孩子们常常担心,父母违背传统、在以后的生活中寻求陪伴的决定,可能会损害他们自己的社会地位或工作前景。
        Some contestants said they had wanted to find a partner, but were previously too embarrassed to say so, said Leng Bing, the producer of “Not Too Late for Fate,” one of the shows. “But through our program, we’re guiding in the right direction, and many people are becoming more understanding and open-minded,” Ms. Leng said.
        其中一档节目《缘来不晚》的制作人冷冰说,一些嘉宾说他们想找伴侣,但之前不好意思说出来。“但通过我们的项目,我们在往正确的方向上引导,许多人变得更加理解和开放,”冷冰说。
        The problem of loneliness among older Chinese has become increasingly urgent over the years. Many Chinese, who once relied on their children to support them in their old age, now live alone because of rapid urbanization and economic development that have led their children to move away. The decades-long one-child policy also meant there are fewer children to provide companionship. More than 54 million people 65 and older are unmarried, divorced or widowed, according to China’s most recent census data.
        近年来,中国老年人的孤独问题变得越来越紧迫。由于快速的城市化和经济发展导致子女搬离,许多曾经依靠子女养老的中国人现在都独自生活。持续数十年的独生子女政策也意味着能够提供陪伴的孩子变少了。根据中国最新的人口普查数据,65岁及以上的未婚、离异或丧偶人士超过5400万。
        But producing dating shows for older people was not easy. Before starting production of “Not Too Late” in 2020, the station asked a focus group of about 20 older residents in northeastern Jilin Province, where the show is filmed, if they would be willing to participate, said Zhang Xiaoju, the program’s chief editor. Fifteen said no.
        但为老年人制作相亲节目并不容易。《缘来不晚》栏目的责编张晓菊说,在《缘来不晚》于2020年开始制作之前,电视台在节目拍摄地吉林省询问了由大约20名老年人组成的焦点小组,看他们是否愿意参与。15个人说不愿意。
        Still, there were a handful of eager candidates. Slowly, more followed. One retired teacher agreed immediately, noting that he had often visited “marriage markets” — areas of public parks where older Chinese typically seek partners for their children and occasionally themselves. After he appeared on the show, others from the marriage market signed up, too.
        尽管如此,还是有一些热心的报名者。人慢慢开始多起来。一名退休教师立即表示同意,并指出他经常去“相亲市场”——中国老年人在公园里为子女寻找伴侣,偶尔也为自己寻找伴侣的地方。在他上了节目后,相亲市场里的其他人也报名了。
        “There has to be the first person who’s willing to eat a crab,” Ms. Zhang said, using a phrase to describe someone pioneering a risky path. “Then when others see that eating crab is good, they’ll be willing to pursue their own happiness, too.”
        “要有第一个愿意吃螃蟹的人,”张晓菊说,这句话是用来形容开拓冒险道路的人。“然后,其他人看到螃蟹好吃,他们也会愿意追求自己的幸福。”
        By this year, the station, Jilin Television, was fielding around 100 hopefuls a day, though filming has been put on hold recently because of coronavirus outbreaks. About half were urban residents and half rural, and about two-thirds women, Ms. Leng said. Most had high school or college educations.
        到今年,吉林电视台每天要接待约100名候选人,只不过因为新冠疫情暴发,最近的摄制已经暂停。冷冰表示,嘉宾里一半是城市居民,一半是农村人,约三分之二是女性。大多数人受过高中或大学教育。
        “Care and Love,” the program Ms. Yu appeared on, is one of the longest running dating shows for older Chinese. The program has a game-show quality, with contestants dancing or arm wrestling while potential mates press buttons to indicate approval or disapproval. The newer “Not Too Late” is more intimate, with candidates visiting each other’s homes.
        于霞参加的节目《相亲相爱》是播出时间最久的中国老年人相亲节目之一。这档节目有游戏节目的性质,选手们会跳舞或掰手腕,而潜在的伴侣则按下按钮表示认可与否。更新一点的《缘来不晚》则更强调亲密关系,会让候选人互相登门做客。
        All the shows share one hallmark: blunt exchanges from candidates with little patience for nonsense.
        所有节目都有一个共同特点:候选人交流直率,对废话毫无耐心。
        “What are you, a 20-something young man?” a woman on “Love’s Choice,” filmed in northeastern Liaoning Province, said of a man in his 70s who she thought was being too picky about appearance.
        “你以为自己还是20来岁的年轻小伙吗?”在辽宁省东北部摄制的《爱的选择》中,一位女性这样说一位70多岁的男性,她认为他对外表过于挑剔。
        On an episode of “Not Too Late,” a 69-year-old man asked a 63-year-old woman, “Let me just ask, we’re both experienced people: How’s your sexual ability?”
        在《缘来不晚》的一集中,一位69岁男性问一位63岁女性,“我就问一句,大家都是有经验的人了:你的性能力怎么样?”
        “Not bad,” she giggled.
        “还不错,”她咯咯笑着说。
        Exchanges like these have helped the shows attract younger viewers, who often see clips from episodes on Douyin, the Chinese version of TikTok. Many comment that they aspire to apply the same directness in their own dating lives.
        这样的对话帮助节目吸引了年轻观众,他们经常在抖音观看剧集片段。许多人评论称,他们希望自己的约会生活也能有同样的直率。
        “It’s not like they’re showing their best sides at first and hiding their flaws for later,” like younger people do, said Elle Lee, a 35-year-old in Shanghai who shared a video of her favorite moments from the shows on social media. “They’ll just directly make clear their bottom line because they’ve lived a whole life, and they know what they can tolerate.”
        和年轻人不一样,“他们不会在最开始只展示自己最好的一面,隐藏起缺点,以后再暴露出来,”35岁的上海人艾丽·李表示,她在社交媒体上分享了一段她最喜欢的节目片段集锦视频。“他们会直接明确自己的底线,因为他们活了一辈子,知道自己能忍受什么。”
        But many young viewers, including Ms. Lee, say they only watch viral clips of the shows, not full episodes. Producers say they worry that these viral videos might overshadow the shows’ more serious themes, like loneliness.
        但包括艾丽·李在内的许多年轻观众表示,他们只看过网上疯转的节目片段,而不是完整的剧集。制片人表示,他们担心这些爆火视频可能会掩盖节目中更严肃的主题,比如孤独。
        On one program, a 69-year-old man said he spent so much time watching television alone that his eyesight was deteriorating. On another, after a pair of 74-year-olds shared homemade noodles, the man said it had been 20 years since someone had cooked for him.
        在一档节目中,一位69岁老人说他独自看了太多电视,以至于视力都开始恶化。在另一档节目里,在两位74岁老人一起吃完家常面条后,男方说已经20年没有人为他做饭了。
        Ms. Yu, the widowed contestant, appeared on “Care and Love” in 2020. Since her husband and 24-year-old son had both died in 2012, Ms. Yu, from the northern city of Qiqihar, had longed for companionship, but did not know how to find it, she said in an interview.
        丧偶选手于霞在2020年参与了《相亲相爱》的摄制。自2012年她的丈夫和24岁的儿子双双去世,来自北方城市齐齐哈尔的于霞在接受采访时表示,她一直渴望陪伴,但却不知如何寻找。
        She was delighted to secure a spot on the show, and when her turn came, pleasantly surprised that Mr. Li said he did not mind that she was two years older. The two walked offstage as a couple. But soon, practical considerations, amplified by old age, intruded: They lived too far apart, and his home was on the fifth floor, to which she did not want to climb, she said. (There was also a more timeless problem: He was talking to another woman.) They called it off.
        她很高兴能得到上节目的机会,轮到她时,李国斌说不介意她比自己大两岁,让她很惊喜。他们俩结成伴侣走下了舞台。但很快,被老龄放大的实际考虑就出现了:两人住处离得太远,他家又在五楼,她说自己不愿意爬楼。(还有一个跟年龄没太大关系的问题:他还在和另一个女人谈。)他们就这样分开了。
        Ms. Yu said she did not regret going on the show but was unsure where to continue looking for a partner. Men still want younger women, she said. “After it didn’t work out, I did feel quite lost. I’m 61 this year,” she said. “Really what you worry about when you’re older is that if you get sick, there’s no one to care for you.”
        于霞说,她并不后悔参加节目,但不确定去哪里继续寻找伴侣。她说,男人始终想要更年轻的女人。“失败之后我确实感到很失落。我今年61岁了,”她说。“当你年老的时候,你真正担心的是生病了没人照顾。”
        Indeed, the shows are far from cure-alls for older residents’ loneliness. About one-third of contestants leave “Not Too Late” with a match, but those who stay together comprise only about one-tenth, said Ms. Leng, the producer.
        确实,这些节目远非解决老年人孤独的灵丹妙药。制片人冷冰表示,大约三分之一的嘉宾在《缘来不晚》找到了伴侣,但只有约十分之一的人能一直在一起。
        When Zhang Jinghua, a 64-year-old farmer from rural Harbin, appeared on “Care and Love” last year, he was so nervous that his legs shook, he recalled. His brother’s family had disapproved of him looking for a partner after his wife of more than 30 years died in 2017.
        来自哈尔滨农村的64岁农民张景华(音)回忆道,去年当他上《相亲相爱》节目时,他紧张得双腿发抖。与他结婚30多年的妻子在2017年去世,那之后他哥哥一家一直不赞成他寻找伴侣。
        Mr. Zhang said on the show that he just wanted someone to make dumplings with. He did not match with anyone during his episode, but the producers later broadcast his phone number and he received more than 200 calls.
        张景华在节目中表示,他只想找个伴一起包饺子。他在节目中没能找到伴,但后来制片人公开了他的电话号码,他接到了200多个电话。
        To avoid his family’s and neighbors’ gossip, he would sneak away to meet callers he was interested in. He had not yet found a long-term partner, he said earlier this year. But when he did, he would bring her home with his head held high. “Once I succeed, why wouldn’t I dare come back?” he said with a laugh. “What would I have to fear?”
        为了避免家人和邻居的闲话,他会偷偷溜出去见他感兴趣的对象。今年早些时候,他说自己还未能找到一个长期伴侣。但当他找到之后,他会骄傲地把她带回家。“既然成功了,我为什么不敢回来?”他笑着说。“我有什么好怕的?”
        
        
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