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US-based author of The Gaslight Effect, Dr Robin Stern, outlined the insidious nature of gaslighting, writing: "It's a form of emotional abuse and manipulation that is difficult to recognize and even harder to break free from."《煤气灯效应》的美国作者Robin Stern博士指出了“煤气灯”的阴险本质:“这是一种难以识别的情感虐待和操纵,甚至更难以摆脱。” |
后来,“煤气灯效应”就被广泛的用于指代这种情感虐待(emotional abuse)。 |
在亲密伴侣关系中,这种效应的表现方式较为隐秘而微妙(imperceptible and subtle)。比如,操控者会常说“你神经过敏”,“是你太敏感了”,“你一定记错了”…… |
The term describes a type of emotional abuse, and unlike other forms, is difficult to recognise because it distorts a person's sense of reality.这个词描述的是一种情感虐待,和其它虐待形式不同,这种情感虐待很难识别,因为它扭曲了一个人对现实的认知。 |
一方面,不断否定你的一切;另一方面,强调这是爱。身处在一段“煤气灯效应”作怪的关系中,会给人带来非常大的负面影响。 |
据《每日邮报》,“煤气灯效应”甚至会导致严重抑郁。 |
At its mildest, gaslighting leaves women uneasy, wondering why they always seem to end up in the wrong.“煤气灯效应”轻则令女性感到不安,奇怪自己为什么总是做错。 |
At it's worst, gaslighting leads to major depression, with formerly strong, vibrant women reduced to abject misery and self-hatred. 重则导致严重抑郁,使得原本强大活泼的女性变得自怜自艾并且自我憎恨。 |
据央视新闻,心理学家彭凯平分析,被精神操纵的受害者会经历三个阶段:①自我怀疑;②深度依赖;③自暴自弃。最终被“洗脑”,无法逃脱。 |
警惕有毒的情感关系 |
一段好的感情可以让人拥有好心情,彼此成就。而一段消极的恋情,则会让人悲观、甚至抑郁。因此,在一段情感关系中,如果出现了以下特点就要提高警惕了。 |
Ghosting神秘消失 |
It can happen when you've met up a few times, or even after things get serious - but constitutes when someone literally removes you from their life, without warning.这种情况多见于你们见过几次面,甚至关系变得更认真的时候,你却突然被对方从生活中移除了,毫无征兆。 |
Slow Fade逐渐隐匿 |
This is where someone gradually backs away from a potential relationship, but doesn't cut all ties immediately.在这种情况下,对方会逐渐放弃一段潜在的关系,但不会立即断绝所有的联系。 |
Breadcrumbing撒面包屑 |
This is when someone leaves a trail of small but flirtatious messages for a potential date, with no intention of meeting.这种情况是指某人给潜在的约会对象发了一串短却撩的信息,但没有任何要见面的意思。 |
Taking its name from the classic tale of Hansel and Gretel, breadcrumbing involves leading someone on with a trail of flirtatious messages but never following through. |
面包屑这个名字源于经典童话故事《韩塞尔与葛雷特》(Hansel and Gretel),这里指的是一方用一系列暧昧信息让另一方产生恋爱错觉,但是从不进行后续发展。 |
Benching备胎 |
Before couples have 'the talk' and define their relationship - also known by the acronym 'DTR' - either party is at risk of being 'benched'. 在双方挑明、确定关系之前(DTR),双方都可能是对方的“备胎”。 |
This happens when one person is unsure of their future with their current partner and so puts them on the 'bench' - as with sports team reserves - and looks at other options. If nothing better comes along, they might come back into play. |
当一个人不确定要和目前的伴侣共度未来时,可能就会去寻找新目标,而将现任视为“备胎”,仿佛是体育队伍里的候补队员。而如果没有更好的选择,他们还是会回归现状。 |
Zombie-ing僵尸回归 |
This is when someone has already ghosted his or her way out of a relationship - but then tries to come back.某人已经放弃这段关系,却又想吃回头草。 |
Social media has also opened up a new playing field for zombies, who can now 'like', 'comment' or 'follow' their way back onto their target's radar. 社交媒体也给这些要吃回头草的人打开了新世界的大门,他们可以通过“点赞”、“评论”和“关注”重回对方视线。 |
Layby 路边停车 |
'Layby' refers to someone who is in a relationship but looking to get out. Instead of risking a period of singleness when it eventually ends, a layby starts laying the groundwork with other women or men who they might want to date next. “路边停车”指的是对方虽然还在跟你谈恋爱,但是已经在想着分手了。这种人在分手以后不会有空窗期,因为他们已经想好了下一个可能的约会对象,并且为此着手准备了。 |
Those being pursued by a layby should be wary as he or she might well have a number of 'next' options lined up - not to mention the fact that they are not technically single. 要是被这种人追求,你可就要当心了,因为对方很有可能同时追求很多人,更别说其可能还没真正单身。 |
Catch and release 追到就跑 |
On the other end of the spectrum is the dater who practises the 'catch and release'. 另一种极品约会者就是那些一追到手就把对方甩了的人。 |
This is a move favoured by those who enjoys the 'chase' part of a relationship, the first flirtations before any commitments are made. 有的人在一段关系中最享受“追逐”的体验,也就是在作出任何实质性承诺之前的暧昧调情。 |
真正的爱,是建立在尊重与平等之上的,任何以爱之名给予的情感暴力和精神控制都需要警惕。 |
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