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1. Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian. | 今天我的儿子问我“能给我张书签吗?”我顿时泪如泉涌。他已经11岁了,仍不知道我的名字叫Brian. |
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So sorry Brian, one day he'll get it! | Brian我真为你难过,有一天他会明白的。 |
2. My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right. | 我妻子说我毫无方向感,为此她非常生气。所以我收拾好自己的行李就向右走了。 |
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I love this one. | 好喜欢这个笑话 |
3. DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself. | 爸爸:我进城的路上一直在听收音机,听说有个女明星刚刚自杀了。 |
MOM: Oh my! Who!? | 哦天呐!是谁呀? |
DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something? | 呃,我不记得了……我记得好像叫Reese什么什么吧 |
MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!??????? | 妈妈: WITHERSPOON!!!!!??????? |
DAD: No, it was with a knife…… | 爸爸:不,好像是用一把刀 |
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Groan - nice one! | 大笑不止——这个笑话真不错! |
(注: WITHERSPOON与with a spoon谐音) | |
4. Did you know the first French fries weren't actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece. | 你知不知道,第一份法国薯条其实不是在法国诞生的?它们是在希腊诞生的。 |
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This was so stupid that i actually laughed out loud. | 这个笑话好蠢,我都笑出声了。 |
(注:Greece与greese谐音) | |
5. If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest? | 如果一个孩子拒绝在午睡时间睡觉,他们会因拘捕获罪吗? |
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If the kid wants to avoid a rest, he should go under cover ;) | 如果那孩子想逃避追捕,他应该寻求掩护 |
(注:resisting a rest还可以理解为“拒绝休息”,undercover还可以理解成“躲在披盖下面”) | |
6. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down! | 我在读一本关于反重力的书。我无法把它放下来! |
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You must obey gravity, it's the law | 你不能违抗重力,这是自然法则。 |
7. What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows. | 你怎么称呼一个既没有身体,也没有鼻子的人?没人知道 |
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What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea. | 你怎么称呼一只没有眼睛的鹿?我也不知道。 |
(注:Nobody knows与no body nose谐音;no idea与no eye deer谐音) | |
8. I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know. | 我在亚马逊上订购了一只鸡,一个鸡蛋。我会让你们知道结果的。 |
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Eggs still came first, but for another reason. The first chicken had to come out of a chicken egg as it would otherwise not be called that. The animal that lay it however, does not necessarily had to be a chicken (yet). | 肯定是先有蛋,才有鸡。不过我有新的解释。第一只鸡肯定是从鸡蛋里孵出来的,否则“鸡蛋”就不叫“鸡蛋”了。而下蛋的动物并不一定是鸡(或许还没进化成鸡)。 |
9. What is the least spoken language in the world? Sign language. | 世界上最少人使用的语言是哪种语言?手语。 |
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You got me. | 戳中我的笑点。 |
(注: the least spoken language还可以理解成“说的人最少的语言”) | |
10. My daughter screeched, "Daaaaaad, you haven't listened to one word I've said, have you!?" What a strange way to start a conversation with me.. | 我女儿对我尖叫说,“爸——爸,我说的话你一个字都没听到,对不对?”想跟爸爸说话,一开始就来这样一句,真奇怪啊! |
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Nice one! | 这个笑话不错! |
11. A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in the Bahamas. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean. | 在牙买加,一份苹果派的价格是2.5美元,在巴哈马群岛是3美元。由此可以知道加勒比海沿岸的派的价格。 |
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Ha! Nice | 不错 |
(注:pie与π谐音,These are the pie rates of the Caribbean这句话还可以理解为“由此可以计算出加勒比海沿岸的圆周率”) | |
12. My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly." | 我妻子想用一只手解开我女儿身上的安全带,她说“那些只有一条胳膊的妈妈是怎么做到这件事的呢?”我不失时机地回复道,“独自一个人做到。” |
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Ha! That was just before she swiped at you | 她听完一定会锤你。 |
(注:Single handedly可以有两种意思,一是“单手”。二是“独自一人”) | |
13. Justice is a dish best served cold, if it were served warm it would be justwater. | 正义应该是一道冷盘。如果它是一道热菜,它就应该写作justwater |
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Took me a few secs to get it but, well done. | 我想了一会儿才明白过来,干得好! |
14. My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water." I know he means well. | 我的朋友一直对我说,“兄弟,振作起来!你的情况已经算不错了!幸好你不是被困在地下一个注满水的洞里!”我知道他是一番好意。 |
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A well is an underground hole full of water. | “井”就是地下注满水的洞。 |
(注:he means well还可以理解成“他指的是一口井”) | |
15. MOM: "How do I look?" DAD: "With your eyes." | 妈妈:“我看起来怎么样?”爸爸:“用你的眼睛啊!” |
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I need to use this for every person that asks me this question | 我会对每个向我问这个问题的人这样回答。 |
(注:How do I look还可以理解成“我是怎么看见世界的?”这里爸爸利用了这层意思) | |
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