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| 双语新闻 Bilingual News | 双语对照阅读 分级系列阅读 智能辅助阅读 在线英语学习 |
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| 1. Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian. |
| So sorry Brian, one day he'll get it! |
| 2. My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right. |
| I love this one. |
| 3. DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself. |
| MOM: Oh my! Who!? |
| DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something? |
| MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!??????? |
| DAD: No, it was with a knife…… |
| Groan - nice one! |
| 4. Did you know the first French fries weren't actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece. |
| This was so stupid that i actually laughed out loud. |
| 5. If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest? |
| If the kid wants to avoid a rest, he should go under cover ;) |
| 6. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down! |
| You must obey gravity, it's the law |
| 7. What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows. |
| What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea. |
| 8. I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know. |
| Eggs still came first, but for another reason. The first chicken had to come out of a chicken egg as it would otherwise not be called that. The animal that lay it however, does not necessarily had to be a chicken (yet). |
| 9. What is the least spoken language in the world? Sign language. |
| You got me. |
| 10. My daughter screeched, "Daaaaaad, you haven't listened to one word I've said, have you!?" What a strange way to start a conversation with me.. |
| Nice one! |
| 11. A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in the Bahamas. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean. |
| Ha! Nice |
| 12. My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly." |
| Ha! That was just before she swiped at you |
| 13. Justice is a dish best served cold, if it were served warm it would be justwater. |
| Took me a few secs to get it but, well done. |
| 14. My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water." I know he means well. |
| A well is an underground hole full of water. |
| 15. MOM: "How do I look?" DAD: "With your eyes." |
| I need to use this for every person that asks me this question |
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