飘（乱世佳人） 作者：玛格丽特.米切尔 Gone with the Wind 飘（乱世佳人） 作者：玛格丽特.米切尔 英文  中文  双语对照  双语交替 首页  目录  上一章   下一章

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Part Four CHAPTER XXXI

第四部 第三十一章

ON A COLD January afternoon in 1866, Scarlett sat in the office writing a letter to Aunt Pitty, explaining in detail for the tenth time why neither she, Melanie nor Ashley could come back to Atlanta to live with her. She wrote impatiently because she knew Aunt Pitty would read no farther than the opening lines and then write her again, wailing: “But I’m afraid to live by myself!”

１８６６年一月一个寒冷的下午，思嘉·奥哈拉坐在房里给皮蒂姑妈写信，详累解释为什么她自己、媚兰或艾希礼都无法回到亚特兰大去同她一起祝这已是第十次写这样的信了，她很不耐烦，因为知道皮蒂姑妈一读完开头几句就会把信放下，然后再一次来信诉苦：“可是我真害怕独自一个人生活呀！"她的手已经冻僵了，便停下来使劲搓搓，同时将双脚深深踹入裹着脚的旧棉絮里，她的拖鞋后跟实际上早已磨掉，只好用碎毡皮包起来。毡皮尽管可以使脚不必直接踩地，但已起不了多少保暖作用。那天早晨，威尔把马牵到琼斯博罗钉蹄铁去了。思嘉暗想这世道怎么变得这么怪了，马还有鞋穿，而人却像院子里的狗还光着脚呢。

Her hands were chilled and she paused to rub them together and to scuff her feet deeper into the strip of old quilting wrapped about them. The soles of her slippers were practically gone and were reinforced with pieces of carpet. The carpet kept her feet off the floor but did little to keep them warm. That morning Will had taken the horse to Jonesboro to get him shod. Scarlett thought grimly that things were indeed at a pretty pass when horses had shoes and people’s feet were as bare as yard dogs’.

她继续拿起笔写信，但这时听到威尔正从后门进来，便又把笔放下。她听见他那条木腿在房外面的穿堂里梆梆地响，后来没有声息了。等了一会儿，想必他会进来，但没有一点动静，于是她只好喊他。他进来了，两只耳朵冻得通红，淡红色的头发一片蓬乱，站在那里俯视着她，嘴角浮现着一丝幽幽的笑意。

She picked up her quill to resume her writing but laid it down when she heard Will coming in at the back door. She heard the thump-thump of his wooden leg in the hall outside the office and then he stopped. She waited for a moment for him to enter and when he made no move she called to him. He came in, his ears red from the cold, his pinkish hair awry, and stood looking down at her, a faintly humorous smile on his lips.

“思嘉小姐，你究竟攒了多少钱呀？"他问。

“Miss Scarlett,” he questioned, “just how much cash money have you got?”

“难道你是贪图我的钱要是我结婚吗？威尔？"她有点粗鲁地反问他。

“Are you going to try to marry me for my money, Will?” she asked somewhat crossly.

“不，小姐，我只是想现在想知道。”

“No, Ma’m. But I just wanted to know.”

她审讯似地注视着他。威尔显得不很认真，不过他从来就是这个样子。反正她觉得出了什么事。

She stared at him inquiringly. Will didn’t look serious, but then he never looked serious. However, she felt that something was wrong.

“我手头只有十个金元，"她说。"这是那个北方佬留下的最后一点钱了。”“唔，小姐，这会不够的。”

“I’ve got ten dollars in gold,” she said. “The last of that Yankee’s money.”

“不够干什么？”

“Well, Ma’m, that won’t be enough.”

“不够交纳税金，"他答道，一面蹒跚地走到壁炉前面，弯下腰伸手烤火。

“Enough for what?”

“税金？"她简单地重复了一遍，"我的上帝，威尔！我们已经交过税了呀！”“是的，小姐。但他们说你交得不够。这是今天我在琼斯博罗那边听到的。"“可是，威尔，我弄不明白。你究竟是什么意思？"“思嘉小姐，我的确很怕再给你添烦恼，因为你已经够苦的了，可是我又不能不告诉你。他们说你还得付更大一笔的税金。他们把塔拉的税额增加得吓人地高----我敢说超过了县里任何一宗不动产。"“既然我们已经付过一次了，他们就不能再让我们交更多的税金。"“思嘉小姐，你从来不大到琼斯博罗去，我也高兴你这样。

“Enough for the taxes,” he answered and, stumping over to the fireplace, he leaned down and held his red hands to the blaze.

那是这些日子一位夫人不该去的地方。可是假如你去得多了，你就会知道，那里近来有不少的流氓，共和党和提包党人在当政。他们会叫你气炸的。而且，还常常发生黑鬼把白人从人行道上推下去的事，以及----"“可这同我们的税金有什么关系呢？"“我正要说呢，思嘉小姐。由于某种原因，那些无赖已经对塔拉的税金表示很不满意，仿佛那是个年产上千包棉花的地方。当我听到这消息，便到那些酒吧间附近去打听，收集人们的闲言碎语。然后我才发现，有人希望在你付不出这些额外税金时，州府将公开拍卖，于是他们可以用低价买下塔拉。谁都明白你交不出这么高的税款。现在我还不知道究竟是谁想买这块地方。我调查不出来。不过我想，希尔顿这胆怯的家伙，那个娶了凯瑟琳小姐的人，他肯定会知道的，因为我正要向他探听，他便尴尬地笑了。"威尔在沙发上坐下，抚摩着他的半截腿。这条残腿每逢天气寒冷就要疼痛，而好半截木头又镶嵌得不很好，弄得他很不舒服。思嘉呆呆地望着他。他谈到塔拉这个要命的消息时，态度还是那么随便。由州府公开拍卖吗？那么大家往啊儿去呢？而且搭拉会属于另外一个人！不，这根本是不可思议的！

“Taxes?” she repeated. “Name of God, Will! We’ve already paid the taxes.”

她早已专心致志于塔拉的生产，因此不大关心外界发生的事。既然有威尔和艾希礼去料理她在琼斯博罗和费耶特维尔可能要办的一切事务，她就没必要离开农常在战争爆发前她对于父亲有关战争的谈论听而不闻，她如今才对于威尔和艾希礼在晚餐后有关开始重建的闲谈也不怎么在意了。

“Yes’m. But they say you didn’t pay enough. I heard about it today over to Jonesboro.”

当然喽，她听说那些倚仗共和党大谋私利的南方败类，以及那些提包党人。后者是南方一宣告投降就像蝗虫般拥来的北方佬，他们把自己的全部财产装在一个提包里带到这里。她还同那个所谓的"自由人局"打过几次很不愉快交道。她也听说过有些被解放的黑人已变得相当傲慢无礼了。可最后一点她却难以相信，因为她有生以来还从没见过一个傲慢的黑人呢。

“But, Will, I can’t understand. What do you mean?”

但是，有许多事情是威尔和艾希礼合谋向她隐瞒了。随着战争灾害而来的是重建故园时期的更大灾害，只不过他们两人早商量好了，在家里谈论当前形势时不提外面那些更可怕的具体情况。而当思嘉不加回避高兴听听时，也大多是一只耳朵进另一只耳朵出。

“Miss Scarlett, I sure hate to bother you with more trouble when you’ve had your share but I’ve got to tell you. They say you ought to paid lots more taxes than you did. They’re runnin’ the assessment up on Tara sky high—higher than any in the County, I’ll be bound.”

她听艾希礼说过，南部正在被当作一个被征服的省份对待，而征服者所采取的主要政策便是给予报复。不过，这样一种报道对于思嘉来说丝毫没有意义，因政治是男人们的事。

“But they can’t make us pay more taxes when we’ve already paid them once.”

她听威尔说过，似乎北部就是不准备让南部重新建立起来。好吧，思嘉心想，男人们总爱为一些蠢事操心。而她，北方佬过去没有鞭打过她，这一次看来也不会。如今最要紧的是拚命工作，再用不着为北方佬政府忧虑。反正，战争已经过去了。

“Miss Scarlett, you don’t never go to Jonesboro often and I’m glad you don’t. It ain’t no place for a lady these days. But if you’d been there much, you’d know there’s a mighty rough bunch of Scallawags and Republicans and Carpetbaggers been runnin’ things recently. They’d make you mad enough to pop. And then, too, niggers pushin’ white folks off the sidewalks and—”

思嘉并不明白竞争的一切规律都已经改变，诚实的劳动不会再赚到公正的报酬了。佐治亚州如今几乎处于军法管制之下。北方佬士兵镇守着整个地区，"自由人局"完全控制这里的一切，而他们正在确立适合于他们自己的法规。

“But what’s that got to do with our taxes?”

这个由联邦政府组织起来的局，其职责是管理那些懒惰而激动的前黑奴，现在正吸引他们成千上万地从种植园转移到乡村和城城市中来。局里供养着他们，任其游手好闲，并且腐蚀毒化他们的思想，激发他们反对以前的主人。杰拉尔德家从前的监工乔纳斯·威尔克森负责设在塔拉的分局，他的助手是凯瑟琳·卡尔弗特的丈夫希尔顿。他们两人大肆散布谣言，说南方人和民主党人正等待时机要让黑人回到种植园重新沦为奴隶，而黑人为逃避这一厄运的唯一希望在于这个局以及共和党给他们提供的种种保护。

“I’m gettin’ to it, Miss Scarlett. For some reason the rascals have histed the taxes on Tara till you’d think it was a thousand-bale place. After I heard about it, I sorter oozed around the barrooms pickin’ up gossip and I found out that somebody wants to buy in Tara cheap at the sheriffs sale, if you can’t pay the extra taxes. And everybody knows pretty well that you can’t pay them. I don’t know yet who it is wants this place. I couldn’t find out. But I think that pusillanimous feller, Hilton, that married Miss Cathleen knows, because he laughed kind of nasty when I tried to sound him out.”

威尔克森和希尔顿进一步告诉黑人们，他们在哪个方面都不比白人弱，并且很快就会允许白人与黑人通婚了，而他们以前的主人们财产也将很快被瓜分完，每个黑人都将分到四十英亩地和一头骡子归自己所有。他们以所谓白人逞凶犯罪的故事来煽动黑人，因此在一个一贯以主奴关系亲密闻名的地区，仇恨和猜疑又开始抬头了。

Will sat down on the sofa and rubbed the stump of his leg. It ached in cold weather and the wooden peg was neither well padded nor comfortable. Scarlett looked at him wildly. His manner was so casual when he was sounding the death knell of Tara. Sold out at the sheriff’s sale? Where would they all go? And Tara belonging to some one else! No, that was unthinkable!

“自由人局"由士兵撑腰，同时军方发布了一些自由矛盾的管制被征服者行为的命令。人们动辄被捕，甚至对该局官员表示冷淡也会构成罪名。军方颁发的命令有关于学校的，关于卫生的，关于谁的衣服上所钉的钮扣是什么种类，关于日用品销售以及包括其他几乎一切事物的。威尔克森和希尔顿有权干涉思嘉所经营的任何买卖，并且有权对她所售出和交换的一切物品规定价格。

She had been so engrossed with the job of making Tara produce she had paid little heed to what was going on in the world outside. Now that she had Will and Ashley to attend to whatever business she might have in Jonesboro and Fayetteville, she seldom left the plantation. And even as she had listened with deaf ears to her father’s war talk in the days before the war came, so she had paid little heed to Will and Ashley’s discussions around the table after supper about the beginnings of Reconstruction.

幸好思嘉很少同这两个人发生什么联系，因为威尔早已说服她让他来管理买卖上的事，而她自己只管理农常威尔用他那种温和的办法克服了好几种这一类的困难。并对她什么也没有说。同时威尔能够同提包党和北方佬周旋下去----如果他必须这样做的话。不过现在出现了一个大问题，大到他自己无法处理了。这就是那笔额外规定的税金和丧失塔拉农场的危险，这些事不能不让思嘉知道----而且得马上知道。

Oh, of course, she knew about the Scalawags—Southerners who had turned Republican very profitably—and the Carpetbaggers, those Yankees who came South like buzzards after the surrender with all their worldly possessions in one carpetbag. And she had had a few unpleasant experiences with the Freedmen’s Bureau. She had gathered, also, that some of the free negroes were getting quite insolent. This last she could hardly believe, for she had never seen an insolent negro in her life.

她瞪着两眼望着他。

But there were many things which Will and Ashley had conspired to keep from her. The scourge of war had been followed by the worse scourge of Reconstruction, but the two men had agreed not to mention the more alarming details when they discussed the situation at home. And when Scarlett took the trouble to listen to them at all, most of what they said went in one ear and out the other.

“啊，该死的北方佬！"她叫道：“他们打击了我们，让我们已成了乞丐，难道这还不够吗，要放任流氓来凌辱我们吗？"战争已经结束，和平已宣布到来，可是北方佬仍然有权掠夺她，仍然可以叫她挨饿，仍然能把她赶出家门。而她竟然那么傻，曾经以为熬过这段艰难的日子，只要她能够坚持到春天，就会万事大吉的。可威尔带来的这个令人可怕和绝望的消息却在整整一年累死累活和苦苦盼望之后降临，这已经是将她彻底压垮的最后一份负担了。

She had heard Ashley say that the South was being treated as a conquered province and that vindictiveness was the dominant policy of the conquerors. But that was the kind of statement which meant less than nothing at all to Scarlett. Politics was men’s business. She had heard Will say it looked to him like the North just wasn’t aiming to let the South get on its feet again. Well, thought Scarlett, men always had to have something foolish to worry about. As far as she was concerned, the Yankees hadn’t whipped her once and they wouldn’t do it this time. The thing to do was to work like the devil and stop worrying about the Yankee government. After all, the war was over.

“唔，威尔，我还满以为战争结束后我们的困难也就会完了呢！"“不会的，“威尔扬起他那张瘦削的乡巴佬面孔，镇定地注视着她。"我们的困难还刚刚开头呢。"“他们要我们付多少额外税金呢？"“三百美元。"一瞬间她被吓得说不出话来了。三百美元呀！这听起来就像三百万美元一样。

Scarlett did not realize that all the rules of the game had been changed and that honest labor could no longer earn its just reward. Georgia was virtually under martial law now. The Yankee soldiers garrisoned throughout the section and the Freedmen’s Bureau were in complete command of everything and they were fixing the rules to suit themselves.

“怎么，"她慌乱地嚷嚷着，"怎么----怎么，那我们无论如何得筹集三百美元了。"” 是的，又是月亮又是虹，或者两个都要，很不容易埃"“啊，不过威尔！他们是不能出卖塔拉的。你看----"他那温和暗淡的眼睛流露出深深的仇恨和痛苦，这远远超过了她原先的估计。

This Bureau, organized by the Federal government to take care of the idle and excited ex-slaves, was drawing them from the plantations into the villages and cities by the thousands. The Bureau fed them while they loafed and poisoned their minds against their former owners. Gerald’s old overseer, Jonas Wilkerson, was in charge of the local Bureau, and his assistant was Hilton, Cathleen Calvert’s husband. These two industriously spread the rumor that the Southerners and Democrats were just waiting for a good chance to put the negroes back into slavery and that the negroes’ only hope of escaping this fate was the protection given them by the Bureau and the Republican party.

“唔，他们不能？我看，他们不但能而且会很乐意出卖的！

Wilkerson and Hilton furthermore told the negroes they were as good as the whites in every way and soon white and negro marriages would be permitted, soon the estates of their former owners would be divided and every negro would be given forty acres and a mule for his own. They kept the negroes stirred up with tales of cruelty perpetrated by the whites and, in a section long famed for the affectionate relations between slaves and slave owners, hate and suspicion began to grow.

思嘉小姐，国家已经完全沦为地狱了，如果你原谅我这样说的话，那些提包党和流氓都有投票权，而我们民主党人大多数没有。这个州的任何民主党人，只要他一八六五年在税收册上有两千美元以上的税额，就不能投票选举。这个规定把你父亲和塔尔顿先生以及麦克雷家和方丹家的少爷们都排除在外了。还有凡在战时担任过联盟军上校以上军官的人都不能投票。而且，思嘉小姐，我打赌这个州有比南部联盟任何一个别的州更多的上校。同时，凡是在联盟政府下面担任过公职的人也不能投票，这样一来，从公证人到法官都被排除了，而林区是到处有这种人的。事实上，北方佬制造那个大赦誓言的办法就是让每个在战前稍有身分的人都一律不能投票。聪明能干的人不能，上流社会的人不能，有钱的人也不能。

The Bureau was backed up by the soldiers and the military had issued many and conflicting orders governing the conduct of the conquered. It was easy to get arrested, even for snubbing the officials of the Bureau. Military orders had been promulgated concerning the schools, sanitation, the kind of buttons one wore on one’s suit, the sale of commodities and nearly everything else. Wilkerson and Hilton had the power to interfere in any trade Scarlett might make and to fix their own prices on anything she sold or swapped.

“哼，我就能投票只要我履行他们那该死的宣誓。一八六五年我一个钱也没有，更不是上校或别的什么体面人物。可是我就不去宣誓。再怎么倒霉也不去！如果北方佬行为很正当，我也许早已经立誓忠于他们了。可如今已经不行。我可以被迫回到联邦，但决不会被改造成一个联邦分子。我宁愿永远丧失选举权，也决不去宣那个誓。然而像希尔顿那样的流氓，他却有选举权；像乔纳斯·威尔克森，像斯莱特里那样的下流白人，以及像麦金托什家那样的废物，他们却有选举权。且都在管事。而且，如果他们要欺负你，叫你付上十倍的额外税款，也是办得到的。就像一个黑人杀了白人而不会判刑。或者----"他没有说下去，觉得难以开口，因为他们两人都清楚记得，在洛夫乔伊附近那个农场里一个孤单的白人妇女曾遭遇到什么……"那些黑人能够做出任何不利于我们的事，而'自由人局'和士兵们都用枪杆子给他们撑腰，可我们不能参加选举，对此没有丝毫办法。"“选举，”思嘉嚷道：“选举！投票选举对于眼前的事到底有什么相干呀，威尔？我们谈的是税金……威尔，谁都知道塔拉是一个多么好的农常如果逼不得已，我们可以用它抵押到一笔钱，够付税金就行了。"“思嘉小姐，你为人一点也不傻，可有时说起话来却有点傻乎乎的。请问，谁还有钱来押贷这个农场呢？除了那些想要从你手里弄到塔拉的提包党，还会有谁呀？你看，每个人都有了土地。每个人的土地都是贫瘠的。你的土地怎么能押出去。"“我还有从那个北方佬身上取下的钻石耳坠呢，我们可以把它卖掉。"“思嘉小姐，这附近谁还有钱买耳坠呢！人们连买腌肉的钱也没有，别说什么首饰了。如果你有了十个金元，那么我敢打赌，这已经超过大多数人的存款了。"这时他们又沉默下来，思嘉感到她的头好像在撞一堵坚固的石壁，过去一年已有那么多石壁来让她撞埃"我们怎么办呢，思嘉小姐？”“我不知道，"他茫然地说，并且觉得没必要管它了。因为这实在是意外碰到的一堵石墙，而她突然感到特别乏，连骨头都酸疼了。她为什么要那样拼命工作，拼命挣扎，并把自己折磨完呢？每一番挣扎的结果都好像是失败在等待着嘲弄她。

Fortunately Scarlett had come into contact with the two men very little, for Will had persuaded her to let him handle the trading while she managed the plantation. In his mild-tempered way, Will had straightened out several difficulties of this kind and said nothing to her about them. Will could get along with Carpetbaggers and Yankees—if he had to. But now a problem had arisen which was too big for him to handle. The extra tax assessment and the danger of losing Tara were matters Scarlett had to know about—and right away.

“我不知怎么办好，"她说。"但是千万别让爸知道了。那会使他烦恼的。”“我不会。 ““你告诉过别人吗？"“没有，我一听说就来找你了。"是的，她想，无论是谁听到了什么坏消息都会立即来找她的，而她对此感到烦透了。

She looked at him with flashing eyes.

“威尔克斯先生在哪里？说不定他能出些主意。"威尔用温和的眼光看着她，这使她感到，就像从艾希礼回家的头一天那样，他是什么都明白的。

“Oh, damn the Yankees!” she cried. “Isn’t it enough that they’ve licked us and beggared us without turning loose scoundrels on us?”

“他在下面果园里劈栅栏呢。我刚才拴马时听见他的斧子声。不过他赚到的钱决不会比我们所有的更多一些。"“要是我想同他谈谈这件事，我可以谈，难道不行吗？"她突然高声说，同时踢开那块裹着双脚的旧棉絮，站了起来。

The war was over, peace had been declared, but the Yankees could still rob her, they could still starve her, they could still drive her from her house. And fool that she was, she had thought through weary months that if she could just hold out until spring, everything would be all right. This crushing news brought by Will, coming on top of a year of back-breaking work and hope deferred, was the last straw.

威尔不表示反对，但继续在炉火前搓着双手。"最好披上你的围巾，思嘉小姐。外面怪冷的。"可是她没戴围巾便出去了，因为围巾在楼上，而她现在需要见艾希礼，把她遇到的麻烦摆在他面前。这可是非常紧急的事，不容再等了。

“Oh, Will, and I thought our troubles were all over when the war ended!”

要是能发现他独自一人在那里，那该多幸运啊！自从他回来以后，她一直没有私下单独同他谈过半句话。他常同家人在一起，经常有媚兰在他身边，后者总不时地摸摸他的袖子，好像只有这样才能确信他真的在那里。这副亲昵的样子曾惹起思嘉的满腔炉火，虽然有几个月她心想艾希礼兴许已经亡故，因此这种情感也逐渐平息。如今她决定独自去见他。这一次不会有什么人妨碍她同他单独谈话了。

“No’m.” Will raised his lantern-jawed, country-looking face and gave her a long steady look. “Our troubles are just gettin’ started.”

她从光秃秃的树枝下穿过果园，她的双脚全被潮湿的野草打湿了。她听见从沼泽地传来艾希礼劈栅栏时斧子震动的响音。要把北方佬恣意烧光的那些篱笆重新修复，是一桩很艰苦而费时的劳动。一切工作都是艰苦费时的，她很不耐烦地这样想，并为此感到既厌倦又恼火又烦闷透了。假如艾希礼就是她的丈夫而不是媚兰的，那么她去找他时，可以把自己的头靠在他的肩膀上嚷着搡着，将身上的负担都推给他，叫他尽最大的努力加以解决，那该有多好埃她绕过一丛在寒风中摇摆着光秃秃的树枝的石榴树，便看见他倚着斧把，用手背擦拭着额头。他身上穿的是一条粗布裤子和一件杰拉尔德的衬衫，这件衬衫以前完好的时候只有开庭和参加野宴时才穿的，如今已经邹巴巴的，穿在新主人身上显然是太短了。他把上衣挂在树枝上，因为这种劳动是要流大汗的，她走过来时，他正站着休息。

“How much extra taxes do they want us to pay?”

眼见艾希礼身披褴褛，手持利斧，她心中顿时涌起一股怜爱和怨天之情，激动得难以自禁了。她不忍心看见那温文尔雅、心地纯洁而善良的艾希礼竟是一副破衣烂衫，辛苦劳累的模样。他的手天生不是来劳动的，他的身体天生也只能穿戴绫罗。上帝是叫他坐在深院大宅之中，同宾客们高谈阔论，或者弹琴写诗，而这些音韵优雅的作品又毋需有什么涵义。

“Three hundred dollars.”

她能容忍让自己的孩子用麻布袋作围裙，姑娘们穿着肮脏的旧布衣裳，让威尔比大田里苦力工作得更辛苦，可是决不忍心让艾希礼受这种委屈。他太文雅了，对于她来说是太宝贵了。决不能让他过这样的生活，她宁愿自己去劈木头，免得眼见他干这种活时自己心里难受。

She was struck dumb for a moment. Three hundred dollars! It might just as well be three million dollars.

“人们说亚伯·林肯就是劈栅栏出身的呢，"当她走上前来时艾希礼这样说。“想想看，我可能爬到多么高的地位！"她皱起眉头，他总是在困难面前谈一些很轻松的事。但在她看来都是很严重的问题，所以她几乎被他的话激怒了。

“Why,” she floundered, “why—why, then we’ve got to raise three hundred, somehow.”

她直截了当地把威尔带来的消息告诉他，话是那和简洁，一说出来觉得便如释重负了。当然，他会提供一些有益的意见的。可是他什么也没说，只不过发现她正在哆嗦时连忙把上衣取下来披在她的肩上。

“Yes’m—add a rainbow and a moon or two.”

“怎么，"她终于说，"难道你不觉得我们必须从哪儿弄到那笔钱吗？"“当然，“他说，"可是哪儿有弄呢？"“我在问你呀，"她有点恼火的答道。那种卸了担子的感觉早已消失。即使他帮不上忙，可为什么连句宽慰的话也没有，哪怕说一声“唔，我很抱歉"也可以埃他微微一笑。

“Oh, but Will! They couldn’t sell out Tara. Why—”

“我回来好几个月了，只听说过一个人是真正有钱的。那就是瑞德·巴特勒，“他说。

His mild pale eyes showed more hate and bitterness than she thought possible.

原来上星期皮蒂帕特姑妈已给媚兰寄来了信，说瑞德带了一辆马车和两匹骏马以及满袋满袋的美钞回到了亚特兰大。不过她表示了这样的意思，即他的这些东西都是来路不正的。皮蒂姑妈有这种看法，这在亚特兰大颇为流行，那就是瑞德曾经设法夹带联盟州金库里一笔数百万的神秘款子跑掉了。

“Oh, couldn’t they? Well, they could and they will and they’ll like doin’ it! Miss Scarlett, the country’s gone plumb to hell, if you’ll pardon me. Those Carpetbaggers and Scalawags can vote and most of us Democrats can’t. Can’t no Democrat in this state vote if he was on the tax books for more than two thousand dollars in ‘sixty-five. That lets out folks like your pa and Mr. Tarleton and the McRaes and the Fontaine boys. Can’t nobody vote who was a colonel and over in the war and, Miss Scarlett, I bet this state’s got more colonels than any state in the Confederacy. And can’t nobody vote who held office under the Confederate government and that lets out everybody from the notaries to the judges, and the woods are full of folks like that. Fact is, the way the Yankees have framed up that amnesty oath, can’t nobody who was somebody before the war vote at all. Not the smart folks nor the quality folks nor the rich folks.

“让我们别谈他了。"思嘉打断他的话头。"只要世界上有下流坯，他就算是一个。可是，我们大家会怎么样呢？"艾希礼放下斧子，朝前望去，他的眼光仿佛伸向很远很远她无法跟上的地方。

“Huh! I could vote if I took their damned oath. I didn’t have any money in ‘sixty-five and I certainly warn’t a colonel or nothin’ remarkable. But I ain’t goin’ to take their oath. Not by a dinged sight! If the Yankees had acted right, I’d have taken their oath of allegiance but I ain’t now. I can be restored to the Union but I can’t be reconstructed into it. I ain’t goin’ to take their oath even if I don’t never vote again— But scum like that Hilton feller, he can vote, and scoundrels like Jonas Wilkerson and pore whites like the Slatterys and no-counts like the Macintoshes, they can vote. And they’re runnin’ things now. And if they want to come down on you for extra taxes a dozen times, they can do it. Just like a nigger can kill a white man and not get hung or—” He paused, embarrassed, and the memory of what had happened to a lone white woman on an isolated farm near Lovejoy was in both their minds. ... “Those niggers can do anything against us and the Freedmen’s Bureau and the soldiers will back them up with guns and we can’t vote or do nothin’ about it.”

“我担心的不仅是在塔拉的我们，而且是整个南部的每一个人，大家都会怎么样呢？” 他这样说。

“Vote!” she cried. “Vote! What on earth has voting got to do with all this, Will? It’s taxes we’re talking about. ... Will, everybody knows what a good plantation Tara is. We could mortgage it for enough to pay the taxes, if we had to.”

她觉得想要突然大喊：“让南部的每个人见鬼去吧！问题是我们怎么办？"但是她忍着没有说，因为那种厌倦的感觉又回到她心头，而且比以前更强烈了。原来艾希礼竟一点忙也帮不上。

“Miss Scarlett, you ain’t any fool but sometimes you talk like one. Who’s got any money to lend you on this property? Who except the Carpetbaggers who are tryin’ to take Tara away from you? Why, everybody’s got land. Everybody’s land pore. You can’t give away land.”

“到头来究竟会怎么样，只要看看历史上每当一种文明遭到毁灭时所发生的情况就知道了。那些有头脑有勇气的人要以通过这种动，而那些没有头脑和勇气的就将被淘汰掉。我们能亲眼看到这样一次Ｇｏｔｔｅｒｄａｍｍｅｒｕｎｇ这尽管令人不怎么舒服，但毕竟还是很有趣的。"“看到一次什么？"“一次诸神的末日。不幸的是我们南方人并不承认自己是神。"“看在苍天面上，艾希礼·威尔克斯！请你不要站在这里给我胡扯淡了，这次是我们要被淘汰呢！"她这种夸张了的疲惫似乎稍渗入他的心灵，将他从遥远的遐想中唤了回来，因而他亲切地捧起她的双手，把她的手翻转过来，手心朝上，审视手上的老茧。

“I’ve got those diamond earbobs I got off that Yankee. We could sell them.”

“这是我一生中见过的最美的两只手，"他一面说，一面轻轻亲吻两只手心。“这双手很美，因为这双手很坚强，每个老茧都象一枚纪念章，思嘉，每个血泡都是对你勇敢无私的奖赏。这双手是为了我们大家，为了你父亲，那些女孩子，媚兰，那婴儿，那些黑人，以及我，而磨出老茧来的。亲爱的，我知道你现在在想什么。你是在想，'这里站着一个不切实际的傻瓜在空谈关于古代诸神的废话，而活着的人却面临危机，'难道不是这样？"她点点头，但愿他继续握着她的双手永远不松开，可是他却把她的双手放开了。

“Miss Scarlett, who ‘round here has got money for ear-bobs? Folks ain’t got money to buy side meat, let alone gewgaws. If you’ve got ten dollars in gold, I take oath that’s more than most folks have got.”

“你现在跑到我这里来，是希望我能帮助你。可是我没这能耐。"他用困苦的眼光望着那把斧子和那堆木头。

They were silent again and Scarlett felt as if she were butting her head against a stone wall. There had been so many stone walls to butt against this last year.

“我的家和全部财产都早已经完了，我过去从来不清楚那些财产是归我所有的。我在这个世界上已毫无用处，因为我所属于的那个世界已经消失。我无法帮助你，思嘉，只能以尽可能老老实实的态度学着当个农夫。可这样做并不能帮你保全塔拉。你以为我们在这里依靠你的周济过活，还不明白这处境的悲惨吗----唔，是的，全靠你的周济，我永远也报答不了你为我和我们一家人所作的牺牲，出自你仁慈心肠的牺牲。我一天天愈来愈深切地感觉到这一点。我愈来愈清楚地看到自己多么无能，以致不配接受这加诸我们身上的所有恩惠。我这种可恨的逃避现实的习性，使得我愈来愈难以面对目前的现实了。你明白我的意思吗？"她点点头，她对于他说的意思并没有一个十分清楚的概念，可是她平心静气地听着他的每一句话。这是他头一次向她倾诉自己心中的想法，尽管他外表上显得离她那么远。她非常激动，仿佛自己面临着一个新的发现似的。

“What are we goin’ to do, Miss Scarlett?”

“不愿意正视赤裸裸的现实，这是我的不幸。直到战争爆发为止，生活对于我一直就像幕布上的影子戏那样，谈不上什么真实。而且我宁愿这样。我不喜欢事物的轮廓太清晰了。

“I don’t know,” she said dully and felt that she didn’t care. This was one stone wall too many and she suddenly felt so tired that her bones ached. Why should she work and struggle and wear herself out? At the end of every struggle it seemed that defeat was waiting to mock her.

我喜欢它们稍稍模糊些，有点朦朦胧胧。"说到这里他停了下来，浅浅地一笑，同时因风寒衣薄而微微颤抖。

“I don’t know,” she said. “But don’t let Pa know. It might worry him.”

“换句话说，思嘉，我是个懦夫。”

“I won’t.”

他那些关于影子戏和模糊轮廓的话，对她没有任何意义，可是最后一句话却是她在语言上能够听懂的。她知道这不是真话。他身上没有懦弱的成分。他细长身躯上的每根线条都表明他家历代祖先的英俊勇敢，而且他在这次战争中的经历是思嘉所深知的。

“Have you told anyone?”

“怎么，实际上并不是这样！难道一个懦夫会在葛底斯堡爬上大炮去鼓舞士兵重新战斗吗？难道将军会亲自给媚兰写信谈一个懦夫的事迹吗？还有----"“那不是勇敢，"他不屑一顾地说。"战争好比香槟酒。它会像影响英雄的头脑那样迅速影响懦夫。在战场上，你要不勇敢，就是被杀掉，所以傻瓜也会勇敢起来的。我现在讲的是另一码事。而且我的这种怯懦，比起初次听到炮声便冲上去那样的情况。还要糟糕得多。"他的话说得缓慢而又颇为吃力，仿佛说出来使他感到痛心，因此要站到一旁来伤心地看这些话似的。要是别人这样说，思嘉准会轻蔑地把这些武断之言当作假意谦虚或者希图得到赞扬而不予理睬。可是艾希礼好像真是这样想的，他的眼睛里还流露出对她躲躲闪闪的神色----这不是恐惧，不是抱歉，而是对于一种无法避免又势不可当的压力的紧张心情。

“No, I came right to you.”

寒风吹拂着她又湿又冷的双脚，她又瑟瑟颤抖起来，但这颤抖与其说由于冷风，不如说由于他的话在她心中激起了恐怖。

Yes, she thought, everyone always came right to her with bad news and she was tired of it.

“不过，艾希礼，你究竟害怕什么呢？”

“Where is Mr. Wilkes? Perhaps he’ll have some suggestion.”

“唔，是些不可思议的东西。一些用语言说出来会显得很可笑的东西。最主要的是害怕生活突然变得如此现实，从此得与它切身相处，太切身了，不得不与一些琐碎事打交道了。

Will turned his mild gaze on her and she felt, as from the first day when Ashley came home, that he knew everything.

这并不是说我不愿意在这泥泞中劈木头，而是我难以接受这件事所说明的意义。我确实不能忍受让我过去所爱的生活中的美从此丧失。思嘉，在战前，生活是美好的。那时它富有魅力，像古希腊艺术那样是圆满的、完整的和匀称的。也许并非对每个人都是这样。这一点到如今我才懂得。可是对于我，生活在'十二橡树'村是真正美好的。我完全适合于那种生活。我就是它的一部分。可是现在它已经全完了，而我与这种新的生活格格不入，因此我感到害怕。现在我明白了，我以前看的是一出影子戏。我回避所有虚幻模糊的东西，那些过分现实而有生气的人和情景。我不喜欢它来干扰我。我也在回避你，思嘉。你太有活力了，太现实了，而我却怯懦得宁愿与影子和梦想为伍。"“可是----可是----媚兰呢？"“媚兰是个最轻柔的梦，是我的梦想的一部分。假如战争没有发生，我会悠闲地平静地度过我的一生，幸福地长眠在'十二橡树'村，心满意足地看着生命消逝而不觉得自己就是它的一部分。可是战争一来，生活的真面目就站出来反对我。

“He’s down in the orchard splittin’ rails. I heard his axe when I was puttin’ up the horse. But he ain’t got any money any more than we have.”

我第一次投身于战争时----你知道那是布尔溪战役----我看到我的童年伙伴们被击得粉碎，濒死的马匹在厉声嘶叫，这使我领略到开枪杀人和眼看他们倒下喷血时那种令人作呕的恐怖感觉。可这些还不是战争中经历的最坏情景，思嘉。战争中最恶劣的是我必须同他们相处的那些人。

“If I want to talk to him about it, I can, can’t I?” she snapped, rising to her feet and kicking the fragment of quilting from her ankles.

“我一生都在回避不去与人们打交道，因此只交了很少的几位朋友。经过战争后使我明白，我曾经创造过一个自己的世界，其中住着的都是些幻想人物。它教育我真实的人是什么样的，不过它却没有教我怎样同这些人在一起生活。我怕的是永远也学不会了。现在我知道，为了赡养我的妻子儿女，我必须在那些与我毫无共同之处的人们中间开辟自己的一条生路。至于你，思嘉你是抓住双角和生活扭打，让它顺从你的意志。可是我还能怎样去适应生活呢？告诉你，我非常害怕这一点。"当他用深沉洪亮的声音，用一种令人难以理解的感情独自继续诉说时，思嘉间接抓住一些话，竭力想了解它们的真正意思。但是那些话像野鸟般从她手中噗地飞走了。看来是有某种东西在背后驱赶它，用一条残忍的鞭子驱赶它，但她不明白那究竟是什么。

Will did not take offense but continued rubbing his hands before the flame. “Better get your shawl, Miss Scarlett. It’s raw outside.”

“思嘉，我不知道究竟是什么时候我才孤独而绝望地明白我个人的那出影子戏已经完了。也许就是布尔溪战役爆发后五分钟。当看到我杀死的第一个人倒地的时候就结束了。但那时我明白事情已经结束，我再也不能当旁观者了。不，我突然发现自己到了影幕上，成了一个演员，在徒劳地摆姿势，我那小小的内心世界已经消失，被人们侵占去了，这些人的思想不是我的思想，他的行动也像野蛮人的行动那样与我根本不同。他们用污秽的脚到处蹂躏我的小天地，以致使情况坏到难以容忍时我也找不到一席躲避之地。我在监狱里时曾经这样想：战争结束后，我可以回到以前的生活和旧的梦想中去，并且再看看那影子戏，但是，思嘉，回去是不可能的。

But she went without the shawl, for it was upstairs and her need to see Ashley and lay her troubles before him was too urgent to wait.

而当前我们大家面临的是比战争还要坏，比监狱还要坏----对我来说比死亡还要坏的局面……所以，你看，思嘉，我是由于害怕而在受惩罚呢。"“但是，艾希礼，"她开口说，就像在一片令人困惑的泥沼中挣扎，"如果你担心我们会挨饿，那么----那么----啊，艾希礼我们总是会想出办法的！我知道我们会的！"他那双灰色的晶莹的大眼睛转过来注视着她的脸，眼光中流露着钦佩的神色。

How lucky for her if she could find him alone! Never once since his return had she had a private word with him. Always the family clustered about him, always Melanie was by his side, touching his sleeve now and again to reassure herself he was really there. The sight of that happy possessive gesture had aroused in Scarlett all the jealous animosity which had slumbered during the months when she had thought Ashley probably dead. Now she was determined to see him alone. This time no one was going to prevent her from talking with him alone.

但是不一会儿，目光又突然显得茫然了。这时她的心猛地下沉，意识到他并不是在考虑什么挨饿的问题。他们常常像是用不同的语言在交谈的两个人。然而她是那么深深地爱他。以致每逢他像现在这样退缩时，便仿佛觉得和煦的太阳在迅速西沉，把她抛弃在黄昏时分的冷露里。她要抓住他的肩膀把他拉进怀里，让他明白她是个有血有肉的人，而不是他所读到过或梦见过的什么东西。只要她能够领略到那种与他合而为一的感觉就好了，这种感觉自从很久以前他从欧洲回来、站在塔拉的台阶上朝她微笑那一天起，她就一直渴望着啊！

“挨饿是很不好受的，"他说。"我清楚，因为我挨过饿，可是我并不觉得很可怕。我觉得可怕的是，我们已经丧失的那种旧生活中的慢悠悠的美感时，还得面对生活。"思嘉绝望地思索着，觉得也许媚兰会听懂他这句话的意思。媚兰和他经常谈这样的蠢话，什么诗呀，书本呀，梦呀，月色呀，流星尘呀，等等。他不害怕她所怕的那些事物，不害怕肚子饿着，不害怕寒风刺骨，也不害怕从塔拉被赶出来。

She went through the orchard under the bare boughs and the damp weeds beneath them wet her feet. She could hear the sound of the axe ringing as Ashley split into rails the logs hauled from the swamp. Replacing the fences the Yankees had so blithely burned was a long hard task. Everything was a long hard task, she thought wearily, and she was tired of it, tired and mad and sick of it all. If only Ashley were her husband, instead of Melanie’s, how sweet it would be to go to him and lay her head upon his shoulder and cry and shove her burdens onto him to work out as best he might.

而他现在正面对着嗦嗦发抖的恐惧，这是她所从未经历过也无法想像的。因为，她坚信，在这个劫后至残的世界上，除了饥饿和寒冷，以及丧失家园，还有什么比这更要怕的呢？

She rounded a thicket of pomegranate trees which were shaking bare limbs in the cold wind and saw him leaning on his axe, wiping his forehead with the back of his hand. He was wearing the remains of his butternut trousers and one of Gerald’s shirts, a shirt which in better times went only to Court days and barbecues, a ruffled shirt which was far too short for its present owner. He had hung his coat on a tree limb, for the work was hot, and he stood resting as she came up to him.

而且她思量过，只要她注意倾听，她是会知道怎样去回答艾希礼的。

At the sight of Ashley in rags, with an axe in his hand, her heart went out in a surge of love and of fury at fate. She could not bear to see him in tatters, working, her debonair immaculate Ashley. His hands were not made for work or his body for anything but broadcloth and fine linen. God intended him to sit in a great house, talking with pleasant people, playing the piano and writing things which sounded beautiful and made no sense whatsoever.

“啊！"她声音里含着失望之情，仿佛一个孩子打开装潢漂亮的盒子后发现里面空无一物似的。听到这样的声调，他只好惨然一笑，好像在表示歉意。

She could endure the sight of her own child in aprons made of sacking and the girls in dingy old gingham, could bear it that Will worked harder than any field hand, but not Ashley. He was too fine for all this, too infinitely dear to her. She would rather split logs herself than suffer while he did it.

“原谅我讲了这样的话，思嘉，我没有办法使你理解，因为你不明白恐惧的含义。你有一颗狮子般的心，同时又缺少想像力，对于这两种禀性我都非常妒忌你。你永远也不会害怕面对现实，你永远也不需要像我这样逃避现实。"“逃避？！”仿佛这才是他所说的唯一能懂的字眼，原来艾希礼也像她那样对斗争感到厌倦了，所以他要逃避。她想到这里便呼吸紧迫起来。

“They say Abe Lincoln got his start splitting rails,” he said as she came up to him. “Just think to what heights I may climb!”

“啊，艾希礼，"她嚷道，"你错了。我也想逃避呀。我对这一切简直厌倦极了！“他困惑地扬起眉头，思嘉却把一只滚热而殷切的手放在他的臂膀上了。

She frowned. He was always saying light things like this about their hardships. They were deadly serious matters to her and sometimes she was almost irritated at his remarks.

“听我说，"她滔滔不绝地连忙说起来。"告诉你，我对这一切都厌倦了。简直厌倦到极点，再也不想忍受下去了。我曾经为吃的用的拼命挣扎过，我拼命拔草，锄地，摘棉花，甚至扶犁耙，直到连一分钟也坚持不下去了为止。我告诉你，艾希礼，南方已经死了！它已经全灭了！那些北方佬和自由黑鬼以及提包党人抓住了它，什么也没我们的份儿了。艾希礼，让我们逃走吧！"他严厉地瞧了她一眼，然后稍微低下头来逼视她那已经红得发烧的脸庞。

Abruptly she told him Will’s news, tersely and in short words, feeling a sense of relief as she spoke. Surely, he’d have something helpful to offer. He said nothing but, seeing her shiver, he took his coat and placed it about her shoulders.

“是的，让我们逃走----丢下他们所有的人！我实在懒得替他们干下去了。有人会照顾他们的。经常有人会照顾那些不能照顾自己的人。啊，艾希礼，让我们逃走，你和我。我们可以到墨西哥去----墨西哥军队中需要军官，到那里我们会惬意的。我会替你做事，艾希礼，什么事我都会替你做。你知道你并不爱媚兰----"这时艾希礼一怔，脸上浮现惊诧的神色，想要插嘴说话，可是她滔滔不绝的谈势把他的话头打断了。

“Well,” she said finally, “doesn’t it occur to you that well have to get the money somewhere?”

“那天你曾告诉我你更加爱我----啊，你是记得那一天的！而且我知道你并没有改变！我敢说你没有改变！而且你刚才还说她不过是个梦罢了----啊，艾希礼，我们逃走吧。我一定会使你快活的。无论如何，"她又恶狠狠地补充说，"媚兰可不能----方丹大夫说过她再也不能给你生孩子了，而我还能给你----"他用双手紧紧抓住她的肩头，痛得她没有办法继续说下去，而且她已累得喘不过起来了。

“Yes,” he said, “but where?”

“我们应当忘记在'十二橡树'村的那一天。"“你认为我会忘记吗？难道你已经忘记了？你能老老实实说你不爱我吗？"他深深地吸了口气，然后赶紧回答。

“I’m asking you,” she replied, annoyed. The sense of relief at unburdening herself had disappeared. Even if he couldn’t help, why didn’t he say something comforting, even if it was only: “Oh, I’m so sorry.”

“不，我不爱你。”

He smiled.

“那是撒谎。”

“In all these months since I’ve been home I’ve only heard of one person, Rhett Butler, who actually has money,” he said.

“即使是撒谎，"艾希礼的声音竟平静得可怕，"那也是不容讨论的事。"“你的意思是- ---"“难道你认为我可以丢下媚兰和孩子自己跑掉，就算我恨他们两个人，难道我能让媚兰心碎？让他们娘俩靠朋友们的救济生活？思嘉你疯了？你心里怎么没有一点点忠诚的意识了？你是不能丢下你父亲和那些女孩子的。你对他们负有责任，就像我对媚兰和小博负有责任一样，因此不管你是否厌倦，他们还在这里，你还得为他负责。"“我能丢下他们----我已经厌恶他们----对他们不耐烦----"他朝她俯过身去，这时她的心脏紧张得都要停止跳动了，她以为他要来拥抱她呢。但是，不，他只是拍拍她的臂膀，像抚慰一个小孩那样起来。

Aunt Pittypat had written Melanie the week before that Rhett was back in Atlanta with a carriage and two fine horses and pocketfuls of greenbacks. She had intimated, however, that he didn’t come by them honestly. Aunt Pitty had a theory, largely shared by Atlanta, that Rhett had managed to get away with the mythical millions of the Confederate treasury.

“我知道你已经厌倦了，乏了。所以你才说出这样的话来。你已经肩负着三个男人的重担。不过我会帮助你的----我不会永远这样笨拙下去----"“你要帮助我只有一个办法，"她阴郁地说，"那就是带我离开这里，让我们到别处去重新开始，寻找自己的幸福。这里已经没有什么值得我们留恋的了。"“没有什么，”他平静地说，"除了名誉----什么也没有了。 “她怀着几经挫折的热望瞧着他，仿佛头一次看到他那两道新月形的眼睫毛浓密得犹如熟透的了金黄麦穗。他的头高傲地盘踞在裸露的脖子上，瘦长挺直的身躯充分体现出高贵和尊严品质，即使一身褴褛也掩盖不了。她的眼光同他的碰在一起了，她觉得自己的目光流露出期望之情，而对方的眼睛却像灰色在天空下的山中湖泊那么遥远。

“Don’t let’s talk about him,” said Scarlett shortly. “He’s a skunk if ever there was one. What’s to become of us all?”

她从他的眼睛里看出一种对于她的放荡梦想和狂热欲望的恐惧。

Ashley put down the axe and looked away and his eyes seemed to be journeying to some far-off country where she could not follow.

一股伤心和疲惫的感觉浸过她的全身，她双手捧着头哭了。他从没见过她哭过。他从没想到像她那样性格刚强的妇女居然也有眼泪，这时他心中涌起怜爱和悔恨之情。他连忙靠近她，立即把她抱在怀里，亲切地抚慰着，把她的头紧紧贴在自己胸口上，低声说：“亲爱的！我的勇敢可爱的人儿----别这样！你千万不要哭呀！"由于这一接触，他感觉到她在他的怀抱中发生了变化，他抱着的苗条身躯有一股狂热和魅力，那双绿眼睛仰视着他，洋溢着热烈而温柔的光辉。突然，周围已不再是寒冷的冬天。对于艾希礼，春天已经再一次回来了，那个业已部分地忘怀了的充满着翠绿的沙沙声和喃喃声的柔和的春天，一个舒适而懒洋洋的春天，那种年轻人的渴望又在他身上激荡的无忧无虑的日子，如今又回来了。而从那以后的所有的痛苦的年月都已经消失，他只看见朝他凑过来的两片樱唇那么鲜红，那么动人地颤抖。于是他吻了她。

“I wonder,” he said. “I wonder not only what will become of us at Tara but what will become of everybody in the South.”

她觉得耳鼓里响起低低的怪叫声，好似是放在耳旁的海螺发出来的；她从这声音中听到自己的心脏在怦怦急跳。她的身体好像完全融化到他的身体中去了，也不知过了多久，他们合而为一地站着，他如饥似渴地紧紧吻着她的嘴唇，似乎永远也吻不够。

She felt like snapping out abruptly: “To hell with everybody in the South! What about us?” but she remained silent because the tired feeling was back on her more strongly than ever. Ashley wasn’t being any help at all.

后来他突然放开她，她感到自己无法单独站住，便抓住篱笆来支撑着。她抬起那双燃烧着爱欲和胜利之火的眼睛望着他。

“In the end what will happen will be what has happened whenever a civilization breaks up. The people who have brains and courage come through and the ones who haven’t are winnowed out. At least, it has been interesting, if not comfortable, to witness a G?tterd?mmerung.”

“你是爱我的！，你是爱我的！说吧----说吧！"他的两手仍然搭在她肩上。她觉得他的手还在颤抖，并且很喜爱这样的颤抖。她热烈地向他凑过去，可是他却稍稍退却，没有让她贴近，同时用那双已经毫无疏远之意、而如今正苦于绝望挣扎的眼睛看着她。

“A what?”

“不要！不要这样！"他说。"如果你再这样，我就要对你无礼了。"她快活而热情地微笑着看着他，表示她已经忘记了时间、地点和一切，只记得他的嘴唇紧贴着她的嘴唇时的滋味。

“A dusk of the gods. Unfortunately, we Southerners did think we were gods.”

他突然抓住她用力摇着，摇得她满头黑发凌乱地披散到肩上，仿佛怀着对她----和对他自己的满腔怒火在摇着她。

“For Heaven’s sake, Ashley Wilkes! Don’t stand there and talk nonsense at me when it’s us who are going to be winnowed out!”

“我们不能这样！"他说。"我告诉你我们决不能这样！"看来如果他再摇下去，她的脖子就要摇断了，头发已经蒙住了她的双眼，她被他的行动吓呆了。她竭力挣脱开来，然后瞪着眼睛看着他。他的额上渗出小小的汗珠，他紧握双拳，似乎在经受某种痛苦。他直望着她的脸，那双灰色的眼睛仿佛要把她刺穿。

Something of her exasperated weariness seemed to penetrate his mind, calling it back from its wanderings, for he raised her hands with tenderness and, turning them palm up, looked at the calluses.

“这全是我的错----与你没关系，而且永远不会再发生了，因为我要带着媚兰和婴儿离开这里。"“离开？"她痛苦地嚷道，"啊，不！"“是的，千真万确！你以为做了这种事我还会留下来吗？

“These are the most beautiful hands I know,” he said and kissed each palm lightly. “They are beautiful because they are strong and every callus is a medal, Scarlett, every blister an award for bravery and unselfishness. They’ve been roughened for all of us, your father, the girls, Melanie, the baby, the negroes and for me. My dear, I know what you are thinking. You’re thinking, ‘Here stands an impractical fool talking tommyrot about dead gods when living people are in danger.’ Isn’t that true?”

而且这种事以后还可能发生----”

She nodded, wishing he would keep on holding her hands forever, but he dropped them.

“但是，艾希礼，你不能走。你为什么要走呢？你是爱我的----"“你还要我这样说吗？好，我就说，我爱你。"他忽然鲁莽地向她凑过去，吓得她连忙朝后退，把身子靠到篱笆上。

“And you came to me, hoping I could help you. Well, I can’t.”

“我爱你，爱你的勇敢，爱你的顽强，爱你的情火，爱你那十足的冷酷无情。我爱你到什么程度，爱到我刚才几乎败坏了这所庇护过我和我一家的殷勤款待，爱到几乎忘掉了我那世界上再好不过的妻子----爱到我在这泥地里就能对你放肆，把你当作一个----"她在一遍混乱思绪中挣扎，心里像被冰刀戳了似的，感到痛苦，感到心寒。她犹豫地说：“如果你有了那样的感觉----而又没有把我怎么样----那么你就是并不爱我。"“我是永远无法使你理解的。"他们相视对方，都不再说话了。突然思嘉打了个寒颤，她仿佛作了一次长途旅行后回来，看见这里还是冬天，赤裸裸的田野由于那些割剩的残梗而显得分外凄凉，她更觉得寒冷极了。同时也看见艾希礼苍老而冷漠的面孔，那张她如此熟悉的面孔，如今也回来了，那面孔也是一幅寒冬景象，并且由于伤痛和悔恨而显得越发萧瑟。

His eyes were bitter as he looked toward the axe and the pile of logs.

这时她真想掉过头来，抛下艾希礼，进屋去找个隐蔽的地方躲藏起来，可是她太疲倦了，懒得走动，甚至连说话也觉得劳累。

“My home is gone and all the money that I so took for granted I never realized I had it. And I am fitted for nothing in this world, for the world I belonged in has gone. I can’t help you, Scarlett, except by learning with as good grace as possible to be a clumsy farmer. And that won’t keep Tara for you. Don’t you think I realize the bitterness of our situation, living here on your charity— Oh, yes, Scarlett, your charity. I can never repay you what you’ve done for me and for mine out of the kindness of your heart. I realize it more acutely every day. And every day I see more clearly how helpless I am to cope with what has come on us all— Every day my accursed shrinking from realities makes it harder for me to face the new realities. Do you know what I mean?”

“没有什么要说的了，"她终于说。"我是说，一切都完了。

She nodded. She had no very clear idea what he meant but she clung breathlessly on his words, this was the first time he had ever spoken to her of the things he was thinking when he seemed so remote from her. It excited her as if she were on the brink of a discovery.

没有什么可爱的了。没有什么还值得奋斗的了。你走了，塔拉也很快就会完了。"他注视着她，过了好一会，然后弯下腰从地上挖起一小块泥土。

“It’s a curse—this not wanting to look on naked realities. Until the war, life was never more real to me than a shadow show on a curtain. And I preferred it so. I do not like the outlines of things to be too sharp. I like them gently blurred, a little hazy.”

“可是，这些东西还留着呢，"他说着，脸上又重新浮现出原来那种微笑的影子，这样的微笑带着既嘲弄他自己又嘲弄思嘉的意味。"尽管你没有意识到，这些是你爱得比我更深的东西，你还拥有塔拉呢。"他拿起她柔软的手，把那块润湿的泥土塞到她手里，把她的手指并拢。现在他的双手已经不发烫了，她的手也是这样。她朝那块泥土看了看，觉得这对她真是毫无意义。她看着他，渐渐模糊地认识到他身上有一种精神的完整性，那是她那双热情的手所无法分裂的，而且无论什么样的手都办不到。

He stopped and smiled faintly, shivering a little as the cold wind went through his thin shirt.

即使你把他杀了，他也决不会抛弃媚兰。即使他至死热爱着思嘉，他也决不会同她苟合，并且会竭力设防与她保持一定的距离。她永远也不会穿过那身铁甲了。殷勤好客、忠诚名誉，这些字眼对他来说有着比她更大的意义。

“In other words, Scarlett, I am a coward.”

泥土在她手里是冷冰冰的。她又一次看着它。

His talk of shadow shows and hazy outlines conveyed-no meaning to her but his last words were in language she could understand. She knew they were untrue. Cowardice was not in him. Every line of his slender body spoke of generations of brave and gallant men and Scarlett knew his war record by heart.

“对了，"她说，"我还拥有这个呢。”

“Why, that’s not so! Would a coward have climbed on the cannon at Gettysburg and rallied the men? Would the General himself have written Melanie a letter about a coward? And—”

起初，她觉得艾希礼那些话毫无意思，而泥土只不过是红泥土而已。但她突然想起塔拉周围的红色海洋，觉得它多么可爱，而且为了保留它她曾多么艰苦地奋斗过----为了今后继续拥有它她还必需多么艰苦去进行奋斗。她再一次看着他，不知那炽热的感情洪流如今究竟到哪里去了。现在她可以静下来思考，但无法感觉，对艾希礼，还是对塔拉，都是这样，因为她的全部热情都已经枯干了。

“That’s not courage,” he said tiredly. “Fighting is like champagne. It goes to the heads of cowards as quickly as of heroes. Any fool can be brave on a battle field when it’s be brave or else be killed. I’m talking of something else. And my kind of cowardice is infinitely worse than if I had run the first time I heard a cannon fired.”

“你不必走，"她明白地说。"我不会让你们大家挨饿的，就算是我讨好你也罢。刚才那样的事再也不会发生了。"她转身向荒地那边的房子走去，一面把她的头发整理成一个发髻贴在颈后。艾希礼目送着她，看她抬起瘦小的肩膀向前走去。而这一姿势映到他的心灵上，比她所说过的任何话都更加深刻。

His words came slowly and with difficulty as if it hurt to speak them and he seemed to stand off and look with a sad heart at what he had said. Had any other man spoken so, Scarlett would have dismissed such protestations contemptuously as mock modesty and a bid for praise. But Ashley seemed to mean them and there was a look in his eyes which eluded her—not fear, not apology, but the bracing to a strain which was inevitable and overwhelming. The wintry wind swept her damp ankles and she shivered again but her shiver was less from the wind than from the dread his words evoked in her heart.

“But, Ashley, what are you afraid of?”

“Oh, nameless things. Things which sound very silly when they are put into words. Mostly of having life suddenly become too real, of being brought into personal, too personal, contact with some of the simple facts of life. It isn’t that I mind splitting logs here in the mud, but I do mind what it stands for. I do mind, very much, the loss of the beauty of the old life I loved. Scarlett, before the war, life was beautiful. There was a glamour to it, a perfection and a completeness and a symmetry to it like Grecian art. Maybe it wasn’t so to everyone. I know that now. But to me, living at Twelve Oaks, there was a real beauty to living. I belonged in that life. I was a part of it. And now it is gone and I am out of place in this new life, and I am afraid. Now, I know that in the old days it was a shadow show I watched. I avoided everything which was not shadowy, people and situations which were too real, too vital. I resented their intrusion. I tried to avoid you too, Scarlett. You were too full of living and too real and I was cowardly enough to prefer shadows and dreams.”

“But—but—Melly?”

“Melanie is the gentlest of dreams and a part of my dreaming. And if the war had not come I would have lived out my life, happily buried at Twelve Oaks, contentedly watching life go by and never being a part of it. But when the war came, life as it really is thrust itself against me. The first time I went into action—it was at Bull Run, you remember—I saw my boyhood friends blown to bits and heard dying horses scream and learned the sickeningly horrible feeling of seeing men crumple up and spit blood when I shot them. But those weren’t the worst things about the war, Scarlett. The worst thing about the war was the people I had to live with.

“I had sheltered myself from people an my life, I had carefully selected my few friends. But the war taught me I had created a world of my own with dream people in it. It taught me what people really are, but it didn’t teach me how to live with them. And I’m afraid I’ll never learn. Now, I know that in order to support my wife and child, I will have to make my way among a world of people with whom I have nothing in common. You, Scarlett, are taking life by the horns and twisting it to your will. But where do I fit in the world any more? I tell you I am afraid.”

While his low resonant voice went on, desolate, with a feeling she could not understand, Scarlett clutched at words here and there, trying to make sense of them. But the words swooped from her hands like wild birds. Something was driving him, driving him with a cruel goad, but she did not understand what it was.

“Scarlett, I don’t know just when it was that the bleak realization came over me that my own private shadow show was over. Perhaps in the first five minutes at Bull Run when I saw the first man I killed drop to the ground. But I knew it was over and I could no longer be a spectator. No, I suddenly found myself on the curtain, an actor, posturing and making futile gestures. My little inner world was gone, invaded by people whose thoughts were not my thoughts, whose actions were as alien as a Hottentot’s. They’d tramped through my world with slimy feet and there was no place left where I could take refuge when things became too bad to stand. When I was in prison, I thought: When the war is over, I can go back to the old life and the old dreams and watch the shadow show again. But, Scarlett, there’s no going back. And this which is facing all of us now is worse than war and worse than prison—and, to me, worse than death. ... So, you see, Scarlett, I’m being punished for being afraid.”

“But, Ashley,” she began, floundering in a quagmire of bewilderment, “if you’re afraid we’ll starve, why—why— Oh, Ashley, we’ll manage somehow! I know we will!”

For a moment, his eyes came back to her, wide and crystal gray, and there was admiration in them. Then, suddenly, they were remote again and she knew with a sinking heart that he had not been thinking about starving. They were always like two people talking to each other in different languages. But she loved him so much that, when he withdrew as he had now done, it was like the warm son going down and leaving her in chilly twilight dews. She wanted to catch him by the shoulders and hug him to her, make him realize that she was flesh and blood and not something he had read or dreamed. If she could only feel that sense of oneness with him for which she had yearned since that day, so long ago, when he had come home from Europe and stood on the steps of Tara and smiled up at her.

“Starving’s not pleasant,” he said. “I know for I’ve starved, but I’m not afraid of that. I am afraid of facing life without the slow beauty of our old world that is gone.”

Scarlett thought despairingly that Melanie would know what he meant. Melly and he were always talking such foolishness, poetry and books and dreams and moonrays and star dust. He was not fearing the things she feared, not the gnawing of an empty stomach, nor the keenness of the winter wind nor eviction from Tara. He was shrinking before some fear she had never known and could not imagine. For, in God’s name, what was there to fear in this wreck of a world but hunger and cold and the loss of home?

And she had thought that if she listened closely she would know the answer to Ashley.

“Oh!” she said and the disappointment in her voice was that of a child who opens a beautifully wrapped package to find it empty. At her tone, he smiled ruefully as though apologizing.

“Forgive me, Scarlett, for talking so. I can’t make you understand because you don’t know the meaning of fear. You have the heart of a lion and an utter lack of imagination and I envy you both of those qualities. You’ll never mind facing realities and you’ll never want to escape from them as I do.”

“Escape!”

It was as if that were the only understandable word he had spoken. Ashley, like her, was tired of the struggle and he wanted to escape. Her breath came fast.

“Oh, Ashley,” she cried, “you’re wrong. I do want to escape, too. I am so very tired of it all!”

His eyebrows went up in disbelief and she laid a hand, feverish and urgent, on his arm.

“Listen to me,” she began swiftly, the words tumbling out one over the other. “I’m tired of it all, I tell you. Bone tired and I’m not going to stand it any longer. I’ve struggled for food and for money and I’ve weeded and hoed and picked cotton and I’ve even plowed until I can’t stand it another minute. I tell you, Ashley, the South is dead! It’s dead! The Yankees and the free niggers and the Carpetbaggers have got it and there’s nothing left for us. Ashley, let’s run away!”

He peered at her sharply, lowering his head to look into her face, now flaming with color.

“Yes, let’s run away—leave them all! I’m tired of working for the folks. Somebody will take care of them. There’s always somebody who takes care of people who can’t take care of themselves. Oh, Ashley, let’s run away, you and I. We could go to Mexico—they want officers in the Mexican Army and we could be so happy there. I’d work for you, Ashley. I’d do anything for you. You know you don’t love Melanie—”

He started to speak, a stricken look on his face, but she stemmed his words with a torrent of her own.

“You told me you loved me better than her that day— oh, you remember that day! And I know you haven’t changed! I can tell you haven’t changed! And you’ve just said she was nothing but a dream— Oh, Ashley, let’s go away! I could make you so happy. And anyway,” she added venomously, “Melanie can’t— Dr. Fontaine said she couldn’t ever have any more children and I could give you—”

His hands were on her shoulders so tightly that they hurt and she stopped, breathless.

“We were to forget that day at Twelve Oaks.”

“Do you think I could ever forget it? Have you forgotten it? Can you honestly say you don’t love me?”

He drew a deep breath and answered quickly.

“No. I don’t love you.”

“That’s a lie.”

“Even if it is a lie,” said Ashley and his voice was deadly quiet, “it is not something which can be discussed.”

“You mean—”

“Do you think I could go off and leave Melanie and the baby, even if I hated them both? Break Melanie’s heart? Leave them both to the charity of friends? Scarlett, are you mad? Isn’t there any sense of loyalty in you? You couldn’t leave your father and the girls. They’re your responsibility, just as Melanie and Beau are mine, and whether you are tired or not, they are here and you’ve got to bear them.”

“I could leave them—I’m sick of them—tired of them—”

He leaned toward her and, for a moment, she thought with a catch at her heart that he was going to take her in his arms. But instead, he patted her arm and spoke as one comforting a child.

“I know you’re sick and tired. That’s why you are talking this way. You’ve carried the load of three men. But I’m going to help you—I won’t always be so awkward—”

“There’s only one way you can help me,” she said dully, “and that’s to take me away from here and give us a new start somewhere, with a chance for happiness. There’s nothing to keep us here.”

“Nothing,” he said quietly, “nothing—except honor.”

She looked at him with baffled longing and saw, as if for the first time, how the crescents of his lashes were the thick rich gold of ripe wheat, how proudly his head sat upon his bared neck and how the look of race and dignity persisted in his slim erect body, even through its grotesque rags. Her eyes met his, hers naked with pleading, his remote as mountain lakes under gray skies.

She saw in them defeat of her wild dream, her mad desires.

Heartbreak and weariness sweeping over her, she dropped her head in her hands and cried. He had never seen her cry. He had never thought that women of her strong mettle had tears, and a flood of tenderness and remorse swept him. He came to her swiftly and in a moment had her in his arms, cradling her comfortingly, pressing her black head to his heart, whispering: “Dear! My brave dear—don’t! You mustn’t cry!”

At his touch, he felt her change within his grip and there was madness and magic in the slim body he held and a hot soft glow in the green eyes which looked up at him. Of a sudden, it was no longer bleak winter. For Ashley, spring was back again, that half-forgotten balmy spring of green rustlings and murmurings, a spring of ease and indolence, careless days when the desires of youth were warm in his body. The bitter years since then fell away and he saw that the lips turned up to his were red and trembling and he kissed her.

There was a curious low roaring sound in her ears as of sea shells held against them and through the sound she dimly heard the swift thudding of her heart. Her body seemed to melt into his and, for a timeless time, they stood, fused together as his lips took hers hungrily as if he could never have enough.

When he suddenly released her she felt that she could not stand alone and gripped the fence for support. She raised eyes blazing with love and triumph to him.

“You do love me! You do love me! Say it—say it!”

His hands still rested on her shoulders and she felt them tremble and loved their trembling. She leaned toward him ardently but he held her away from him, looking at her with eyes from which all remoteness had fled, eyes tormented with struggle and despair.

“Don’t!” he said. “Don’t! If you do, I shall take you now, here.”

She smiled a bright hot smile which was forgetful of time or place or anything but the memory of his mouth on hers.

Suddenly he shook her, shook her until her black hair tumbled down about her shoulders, shook her as if in a mad rage at her—and at himself.

“We won’t do this!” he said. “I tell you we won’t do it!”

It seemed as if her neck would snap if he shook her again. She was blinded by her hair and stunned by his action. She wrenched herself away and stared at him. There were small beads of moisture on his forehead and his fists were curled into claws as if in pain. He looked at her directly, his gray eyes piercing.

“It’s all my fault—none of yours and it will never happen again, because I am going to take Melanie and the baby and go.”

“Go?” she cried in anguish. “Oh, no!”

“Yes, by God! Do you think I’ll stay here after this? When this might happen again—”

“But, Ashley, you can’t go. Why should you go? You love me—”