三怪客泛舟记
Three Men in a Boat


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    Chapter 2 We start to make plans
    
    We pulled out the maps and we discussed plans.
    We decided to start on the following Saturday.Har-ris and I would go down to Kingston in the morning and take the boat up to Chertsey,but George could not leave the City until the afternoon.(George goes to sleep at a bank from ten o'clock until four o'clock from Monday to Friday.On Satur-day they wake him up and put him out onto the street at two o'clock.)So George was going to meet us at Chertsey.
    The next question was where to sleep at night.
    George and I did not want to sleep in hotels at night.We wanted to sleep outside.'How beautiful,'we said,'in the country,by the river,with the birds,the flowers and the trees all around us!'
    I can imagine it easily…
    At the end of the day,night comes and the world is peaceful and calm.Our little boat moves silently into some quiet little corner on the river.There we put up our tent,and we cook and eat our simple supper.Then we fill our pipes and we sit and talk quietly.Sometimes we stop for a moment or two and we listen to the water as it plays gently against the boat.The silver moon shines down on us and our heads are full of beautiful thoughts.We sit in silence for a time.We do not want to speak.Then we laugh quietly,put away our pipes,say'Goodnight'and go to bed.The peaceful sound of the water against the boat sends us to sleep-and we dream.We dream that the world is young again…
    'And what about when it rains?'Harris said.
    He was right.When it rains,you do not enjoy living in tents.
    I thought about it again…
    It is evening.You are very wet.There is a lot of water in the boat and everything in it is wet,too.You find a place on the river bank which is not as wet as other places.You get out of the boat,pull out the tent,and two of you try to put it up.Because it is wet,it is very heavy.And then it falls on top of you.You cannot get it off your head,and you get angry.All the time it is raining heavily.It is difficult to put up a tent in good weather.In wet weather it is almost impossible.The other man does not help you.He starts to play about.You get your side of the tent up and begin to tie the ropes to the ground.Just then he pulls the tent from his side,and he destroys all your hard work.
    'Here!What do you think you're doing?'you call out.
    'What are you doing,you mean,'he answers angrily.
    'Don't pull it!You've got it all wrong,you stupid man!'you cry.
    'No,I haven't!'he shouts.'Let your side go!'
    'I tell you,you're wrong!'you scream,and you wish you could get to him to hit him.You pull your side of the tent hard-and pull out all the ropes on his side.
    'Ah!The stupid fool!'you hear him say to himself.And then,suddenly,he gives a violent pull-and your side comes out,too.Slowly,you start to go round to his side to tell him what you think of him.At the same time,he begins to come round the other way,to tell you what he feels.And you follow each other round and round,and you shout at each other-until the tent falls down.And there you are!You stand and look at each other across the tent.At the same time,you both call out,'There you are!What did I tell you?'
    Meanwhile,the third man has been trying to get the water out of the boat.The water has run up his arms,and he is wet and angry.Suddenly,he wants to know what you are doing,and why the tent is not up yet.
    When,at last,the tent is up,you carry the things out of the boat.Supper is mostly rainwater-rainwater bread,rainwater soup.Happily,you have something strong to drink.This brings back your interest in life until it is time to go to bed.
    There you dream that a very large animal has suddenly sat down on you.You wake up and you understand that something terrible has happened.At first,you think that the world has ended.Then you think that this cannot be true.So it must be thieves,or murderers,or fire.No help comes,and all you know is that thousands of people are kicking you,and you cannot breathe.
    Somebody else is in trouble,too.You can hear his cries.They are coming from under your bed.
    You decide to fight,and you hit out,left and right,with your arms and your legs.You are shouting all the time.At last you find your head in the fresh air.Near you,you see a half-dressed murderer.He is waiting to kill you.You are just going to start fighting him when you see that is Jim.
    At the same moment,he sees that it is you.
    'Oh,it's you,is it?'he says.
    'Yes,'you answer.'What's happened?'
    'The tent has blown down,I think,'he says.'Where's Bill?'
    Then you both shout for Bill.The ground underneath you moves,and a voice says,'Get off my head!'
    The next day you have no voices because you have all caught colds,and all day you argue with each other in angry whispers…
    We therefore decided that we would sleep out in tents on fine nights,and in hotels when it rained.
    Montmorency was very pleased about this.He does not like peace and quiet.He prefers noise.But he looks so good,so well-behaved.When old ladies and gentlemen look at him,tears come into their eyes.
    When he first came to live with me,I thought,'This dog will not be with me long.He is too good for this world.'But,by the end of the year,he had killed twelve chickens,which I had to pay for…I had pulled him out of a hundred and four-teen street fights…A woman had brought me a dead cat and had called me a murderer.Then I changed my ideas about Montmorency.
    We had decided where to sleep,so now we had to discuss what to take with us.We began to argue about this,so we a-greed that we had done enough for one night.
    

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